Higher education.

Those who are at all familiar with my life (read: not many people) know that I dropped out of highschool at the start of my final semester of Senior year. I had only one semester to go, and a whopping 2 classes to finish (Economics, and one semester of PE) before I graduated. I believe I was taking 4 other classes for fun (Web Developement, Using New Media, AP English Literature, Drama). It would seem that a person on the precipice of graduation would not drop out with so few classes to go. This is a decision that I regret.

I was in really good standing to graduate. I was popular, my grades were up (except for that AP Lit class, but I had previously finished all my required English credits, so an F in that class did not effect my graduation), and whats more I had a ton of senior activities to look foreward to.

But I chose to leave school because I was no longer happy. Yes I was popular, yes people knew who I was, but for the most part the school had gone to shit, and overall I was just not a happy person. I thought that if I dropped out and finished my remaining two classes at a charter school, I could get out early and get a jumpstart on college.

Well, as it turns out we moved shortly after I started the charter schooling, and through a combination of a truley evil teacher, a fuckup with school district regulations, and other nonsense, I went from 2 classes to 5 classes, and an easy 1.5 month graduation suddenly became a full semester of work.

So I did not formally recieve highschool credit until the end of August of last year, after my former classmates had all been done with school for a month. What was supposed to get me on the road early ended up holding me back.

Frustrated and dissapointed and just generally pissed off at a lot of things (moving away from my friends, not getting a job that I wanted, and having a terrible school situation) I neglected furthering my education in favor of sitting on my ass for a year and being a vegetable.

I have to say this is both good and bad. I'm glad I got to take a break from school, and I'm glad I have not had many responsibilities up to this point. But on the other hand I am upset with myself, because my relationship with some of my closest friends has really drifted in the year since college began for everyone else. I feel as though they judge me negatively for my lack of schooling, and when I finally announced a month ago that I planned to enroll this fall, they expressed a lot of happiness. One girl said she had simply lost hope for me. Until now of course.

College is kind of scary. The fact that I'm paying for it puts added pressure not to fuck up. Also, my grade is based on so few assignments that I have to stress how important each one is to my grade as a whole. In Understanding Cinema, I have 3 tests that make up the whole of my grade, plus a supplimental assignment if I wish to receive an A (all students start with a B). Worse yet is my Health class, in which my entire grade is based on the Final exam, as well as a research paper.

Part of me loves this. No more homework, no more essays, no more BS. But part of me hates it, because now I am going to be so fucking stressed to know absolutely everything at the end of the year that I'm going to shit my pants.

Still, it beats having to work my ass off every single night over something that I couldn't give a shit about. Homework has, and always will be stupid to me.

I really like the environment. Its something I'm surprised at, actually. In the three days that I have been on campus, I've talked to a lot of people who's names I never got, people who don't know me any more than I know them. I like that most of them are willing to talk about whatever the hell is going on in their lives without even getting to know the person they are telling, simply to pass the time. Its nice.

...and the fact that they have all been cute ladies doesn't hurt.

I really want an excuse to go to school more often. I love it there. I'm considering adding a class or getting a job on campus because I actually feel like my life is going somewhere when I'm at school. It reminds me of childhood in a weird way. I think its the fact that most of the trees drop seapods and the smell reminds me of my K-8 years.

But I'm not going to jump the gun simply because I haven't actually begun to work on any of my classwork. So I don't know how involved it really is.

...Which reminds me, I have to read for my Cinema class before Wednsday.