Monday, September 29, 2008

Whatever It Takes

If you noticed the span for this week's theme, you might noticed its not an official week as Jayson did.

[23:49] CorneliusThePig: the week starts on sunday
[23:49] CorneliusThePig: which is the 28th
[23:49] CorneliusThePig: lol
[23:49] misgivenmerit: whatever
[23:49] misgivenmerit: 7 days, week
[23:49] misgivenmerit: same thing
[23:50] misgivenmerit: HEY MAN!
[23:50] misgivenmerit: THIS IS FOR SURVIVAL!
Its for the blog!

Nevertheless, I reflect on that survival, may it be physical, emotional, academical, you will do whatever it takes. I change the formal definition of a week for this blog, stole food in the dorms, call my girlfriend everyday, take reckless shortcuts through the woods, bring only one bag of stuff, live way below my limit, etc. Why? Because in the end, I want to be successful. Sometimes being successful means to do what you least like.

I believe, as any creature, survival is to stay alive. Often, to stay alive means to do something we don't want to, e.g. eating our veggies to killing something.

All in all, we are facing pretty interesting times (as all people do of our age). Hence, all human beings done one thing or another in the name of survival.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Lets make a connection, baby.

I never got around to posting last week, so this is a bit late.

I've been in school for three weeks now (Today starts the fourth if it helps make more sense) and I've begun to notice something that to me, while depressing, is also interesting.

To recap, I'm taking a basic Health class on Mondays, and a class called "Understanding Cinema" on Wednesdays. Since I've been out of school for so long I opted to take only 2 classes so that I didn't overwork myself. One Academic, and one class for my Major.

The thing I've noticed and which I think is both depressing and strange is that I am actually looking forward to school on Mondays because I enjoy my health class, and I don't enjoy going to school on Wednesdays because my Cinema class is dreadful. The instructor drones on and on, he insults the students through jokes, he repeats himself, brings Politics into the mix, and just overall his teaching method is a bit...uncomfortable. Plus the seats hurt my ass and we always end up staying after the class gets out because he talks so much.

Meanwhile, the Health class is informative, the teacher is kind, and it lets out early, or at the very least on time. I like being able to say with confidence that I WILL be home around 10 on Mondays, where as my other class sometimes stretches me to getting home at 10:30 or later. Its really frustrating.

However, despite the fact that I enjoy Health more, I feel no connection to any of my classmates in the Health class. In fact I don't know a single person's name in that class, and have talked to no one besides the teacher. In Cinema, I talk with a lot of the students around me about all sorts of things both related and non-related to the course.

Its an interesting comparison between the two classes, how I enjoy one for its education and the other for socializing. At least its interesting to me.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Lack Of Sleep

Simply post, I can't sleep. Thinking how most of the people I wanted to see over the summer, I was unable to caused me to cancel plans to see them. However, this will make it about two years without seeing them. How strange time is always a factor in staying connected, that there's always a time limit... Then again it makes perfect senses: our relativity.

I also was reminded about the gaps of time and distance; most of my friends don't use the Interweb as much as I wish, yet without seeing or talking, we can still be friends? Therefore, we must ask: "what is a friend?"

Oh well, enough with that for now... Btw, I'm debating on setting up a Skype-phone...

Sent on my iPhone

Posted with LifeCast

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Sounds good, but...

I have noticed this blog is now getting big on the iPhone (and not big enough on cowbell), and to be honest, I like the idea. Having a miniature, yet kinda gimped computer is pretty awesome, especially when it integrates all it's features pretty well. However, one thing holds me back from getting it: that freaken touchscreen.

Sure, I love my DS (well, I would love it more if my cat didn't decide it wanted to snack on the charger cable) and touchscreens can be pretty cool, but having nothing but a touchscreen is a pretty bad design choice. Having to swipe through menus (not lightly, but with force) is just annoying and unnessecery, and could have just been fixed with some arrow keys. Having to punch in each individual letter on the screen is also pretty sucky, especially when you could just have a keypad. At least it has a power button just in case the OS decides to freeze so you can actually turn it off.

Overall, I find the iPhone ok, and if they just made a version with some actual buttons, I would probably like it. Still wouldn't buy it, because I'm cheap and I'd rather use a laptop, but would look upon it more favorably.

Speaking of computers, my machine is getting some nice upgrades. I've ordered more RAM, which should knock it up to 3 gigs, and I'll be getting a new video card so Team Fortress 2 will stop crashing my computer. I'm kinda amazed, my machine will actually be competent now. Just hope my internet connection can keep up (it never does).

Anyway, back to haxing teh server of life.

P.S. I have no idea if Edward already brought up my points in his blog, since I was too lazy to check, but I don't care much anyway.

I am a consumer whore.

What Edward says about me is true. My needs for a cell phone are pretty basic. I want a phone I can talk on. A phone that has a camera, bluetooth, MMS and SMS. If you give me that, I will be able to use the phone effectively.

...But thats not to say I would not love everything else that phones do these days. The internet in the palm of my hand? An mp3 player? Those would be awesome if most cellphones didn't suck when it comes to that.

Which is why I would get an iPhone if money was no object. Because it does what most other smartphones can do, but it does it better.

As far as laptops are concerned, I'm just going to get a macbook. FUCK IT. I'll get an iphone too.

...just as soon as I get a job to pay for it all.

To Each: Their Own; To Me: My iPhone

Awhile ago, Jayson and I were talking about this slider phone he wanted. I told him I didn't like it, bringing up my want for a smartphone. In rebuttal, he brought up the fact he doesn't want or need a smartphone, that he desires a phone with basic functions: Call, Text, SMS, a little internet. I then brought up my needs for something more. This led to my posting. At this age and time of my life, it is when one realizes their pursuits and futures. Leading to notice what kind of style and gear they would need! Therefore, this post is a list of pieces of technology I want for the future. Of course, by then, technology should be better, but I (and Jayson, who should have a similar post) will use current devices or describe a device we want/need.

Smartphone, namely the iPhone: Often, people tell me: Why you need a smartphone? Its just a computer, just smaller. That's the point! It's a smaller, kinda computer! It fulfills the basics of a phone: calling, text, voicemail, etc. However, my reasons for wanting/needing a smartphone was first brought about after my summer quarter at UCSC. I noticed, as a student, I prefer to have my calendar/agenda close. This brings up the whole: Why not just use a paper agenda dumbass money-wasting noob [fanboy for my iPhone... despite the fact most of my friends know about my love for Linux]?!” I have a list of reason good sir... or dare I say piece of shit, son of a bitch, I hope you burn in hell, sir?
  1. Paper agenda = pages. Paper pages are prone to wear, tear, and such when its carrier is moving around a lot. I use a messenger bag (since high school) to protect my papers from that, but seeing how much I end up just carry my agenda outside of it, it didn't matter how well protected it would be in my bag, I was too busy writing onto it.
  2. Updates and outsources. UCSC, like most universities I hope, uses the interweb a lot to inform students on events, activities, exams, and required procedures. Almost, many of these things aren't plan before the quarter starts, but is later put on the school's website. Before my iPhone and something called .cis or feeds, I would normally find out about such a thing the day before or of, which isn't fun. With the wonders of Google calendar and jailbreaking, my iPhone is always updated. Also, it shares the same dates as the calendar on my laptop, making sure that whether in my dorm or on the bus, I have my schedule.
  3. Being able to read. I'm not going to lie, my handwriting sucks... especially in a hurry and in the rain/walking/on the bus/etc. However, my typing/texting is fast and easy to read! Do I really need to explain the benefit of that?!

Wow... that's a pretty long explanation on just ONE feature of a smartphone. Other reasons I like smartphones are:
Internet: it allows me to lookup on wikipedia to not look stupid, IM friends (on www.meebo.com), read about stuff, check online stuff on the class' website in class while still having room for my notebook (paper or electronic one), and check on my bank accounts.
Documents: A smartphone lets you save documents and such, so I can save maps, pdfs, pictures, and other files to look at when I need to. Also, this allows me to take notes on it.
Applications: Especially with the App Store from Apple with my iPhone, I can buy use/fun applications. From balance sheets to keep my budget to just an application to send stuff to my blog like pictures and entries, applications make the price worth it. When being on the road, close or near house/dorm. I take comfort knowing my friends and family are closer due to the wonders of technology.

Of course, there's other things I like about smartphones, namely my iPhone (a smartphone is one with an OS that has functioning application that allow it to behavior much like a computer, so an iPhone is one you douchebags!). The touchscreen and camera (with applications). I just like the touchscreen since it gives me a better interaction with my media, giving me that feeling of control. Also, I don't have to worry about using a stylus or clicking keys. And I like the camera for the apps packaged with it that allow me to email pics, email pics as postcards, or post them here! Yet, I confess I would love 3G and GPS... but not the new iPhone. I would willing drop my iPhone for a touchscreen smartphone with Android, but that's for the future. Nevertheless, there's some of my points for wanting a smartphone, its a phone and a PDA at the same time... don't tell me no one needs that.

Next, laptop. I someday dream of having a laptop with 3G for internet without wifi. Though, I shall bring up now that I want a ultraportable and/or a netbook. Why? Well, from riding airplanes, metro buses and trains, Greyhound Buses, to just in a friend's car on a roadtrip, a ultraportable laptop is just dandy. Its doesn't weight you down with mass nor lack of functionality. Of course, there's the give of features for gaming... but I doubt I would be gaming while working or studying, that's just me.

What do I have in mind? A Thinkpad from the X-series and the Intel Classmate 3. I shouldn't go into too much detail, but the Thinkpad X(whatever number) is a ultraportable and the Intel Classmate 3 is a Tablet Netbook, meaning a touchscreen that will allow for note-taking and drawing (the Classmate is meant for a classroom environment).

Lastly, an eReader. A device just for reading... but its not just one book... its many! And more! With the Kindle, you can subscribe to magazines, blogs, newspapers, etc. I believe that we should have one device for just reading the paper or a book, for it not only separates us from the internet/computer like a real book, isolation away from other things allows an eReader to have your full attention.

So, let's review the list:
  • Smartphone
  • Ultraportable Laptop
  • Classmate 3
  • eReader

All in all, many will say these are the stuff you would find in a Road Warrior's bag, and I am growing to think I might become one. With hopes of med school and traveling, along with friends and family at home, I need to rough out the traveling and stay connected, hence I need devices as tough and smart as me.

Back To The Beginning

Back To The Beginning

Well, here I go again. Two weeks before my second year at the university: packing up, getting nags about the distance, regretting a little. It's not that I hate the University of California, Santa Cruz, but I grown to dislike being a student there at times. I don't like the strange “new” people, from their rich families in SF or wherever in NorCal. I don't like being all alone, far away from home. Namely, it reminds me of my failure... how two of my friends gotten into dream universities with the same classes, less activities, and more rule following than creativity than I did, and yet I got rejected from the same schools, put on the waiting list for Stanford, and sent to UCSC. Banished to the woods it seems. I left in the summer. Completing summer session, I was proud and happy, but I returned to find my friends and family missing me, and I found out how much I missed them. After the whole year was finished, I came back with an average GPA and a broken mindset. Wondering what I could've done right, what I done wrong. About how I behaved. In the end, I lost my gustiness in going to the wayward woods and living like a hermit.

Now, I'm back with my former love after learning lessons on the move. I'm entering the woods with my head not down, nor high, but low and forward, ready to fight. There's no more youth for those who are young, how ironic. Yet, we must all bravely march to the beginning of a battle of an on going war. I have new goals realize and improvements to make. I have reconfirm my faith in my friends, family, and beliefs. Yet, I must reminded, of how I found out “Those who do good, get get good things in return”, and as for me, when I was younger, I did not do good like Jessica or Gil, instead I tried to be rebellious and make my own path through the woods, to just find myself having to cut my way back to the road.

Higher education.

Those who are at all familiar with my life (read: not many people) know that I dropped out of highschool at the start of my final semester of Senior year. I had only one semester to go, and a whopping 2 classes to finish (Economics, and one semester of PE) before I graduated. I believe I was taking 4 other classes for fun (Web Developement, Using New Media, AP English Literature, Drama). It would seem that a person on the precipice of graduation would not drop out with so few classes to go. This is a decision that I regret.

I was in really good standing to graduate. I was popular, my grades were up (except for that AP Lit class, but I had previously finished all my required English credits, so an F in that class did not effect my graduation), and whats more I had a ton of senior activities to look foreward to.

But I chose to leave school because I was no longer happy. Yes I was popular, yes people knew who I was, but for the most part the school had gone to shit, and overall I was just not a happy person. I thought that if I dropped out and finished my remaining two classes at a charter school, I could get out early and get a jumpstart on college.

Well, as it turns out we moved shortly after I started the charter schooling, and through a combination of a truley evil teacher, a fuckup with school district regulations, and other nonsense, I went from 2 classes to 5 classes, and an easy 1.5 month graduation suddenly became a full semester of work.

So I did not formally recieve highschool credit until the end of August of last year, after my former classmates had all been done with school for a month. What was supposed to get me on the road early ended up holding me back.

Frustrated and dissapointed and just generally pissed off at a lot of things (moving away from my friends, not getting a job that I wanted, and having a terrible school situation) I neglected furthering my education in favor of sitting on my ass for a year and being a vegetable.

I have to say this is both good and bad. I'm glad I got to take a break from school, and I'm glad I have not had many responsibilities up to this point. But on the other hand I am upset with myself, because my relationship with some of my closest friends has really drifted in the year since college began for everyone else. I feel as though they judge me negatively for my lack of schooling, and when I finally announced a month ago that I planned to enroll this fall, they expressed a lot of happiness. One girl said she had simply lost hope for me. Until now of course.

College is kind of scary. The fact that I'm paying for it puts added pressure not to fuck up. Also, my grade is based on so few assignments that I have to stress how important each one is to my grade as a whole. In Understanding Cinema, I have 3 tests that make up the whole of my grade, plus a supplimental assignment if I wish to receive an A (all students start with a B). Worse yet is my Health class, in which my entire grade is based on the Final exam, as well as a research paper.

Part of me loves this. No more homework, no more essays, no more BS. But part of me hates it, because now I am going to be so fucking stressed to know absolutely everything at the end of the year that I'm going to shit my pants.

Still, it beats having to work my ass off every single night over something that I couldn't give a shit about. Homework has, and always will be stupid to me.

I really like the environment. Its something I'm surprised at, actually. In the three days that I have been on campus, I've talked to a lot of people who's names I never got, people who don't know me any more than I know them. I like that most of them are willing to talk about whatever the hell is going on in their lives without even getting to know the person they are telling, simply to pass the time. Its nice.

...and the fact that they have all been cute ladies doesn't hurt.

I really want an excuse to go to school more often. I love it there. I'm considering adding a class or getting a job on campus because I actually feel like my life is going somewhere when I'm at school. It reminds me of childhood in a weird way. I think its the fact that most of the trees drop seapods and the smell reminds me of my K-8 years.

But I'm not going to jump the gun simply because I haven't actually begun to work on any of my classwork. So I don't know how involved it really is.

...Which reminds me, I have to read for my Cinema class before Wednsday.